You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i already hear my dad disowning me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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