proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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