I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize