Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
