Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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