Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
