I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dicks are not precious.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
