i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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