What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
