Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
