We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
