I heard we made out
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
