Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
