Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
