All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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