I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
