oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
