cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
