How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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