to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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