This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
