Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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