I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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