3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
