Christians are straight up FREAKS
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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