I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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