Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
