Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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