you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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