I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
