I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize