Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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