I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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