your parents love me but you hate me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize