I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
