I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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