would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
