omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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