We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All the doctor said was why
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
