I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
