Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
