I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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