I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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