It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
