I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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