just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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