it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
