I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
