The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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