the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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