watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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