I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
