i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
