My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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