that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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