The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
