38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hippo gnu deer
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
