and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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