My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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