i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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