His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
