Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
