Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
