I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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