Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
