The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
