Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
