I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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