I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
