who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
