I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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