So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
