Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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