I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize