He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
