"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
