so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
