what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
