maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
