I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
