I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We are all done wearing pants today
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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