I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
