I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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