I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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