i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
