walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize