you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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