I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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