How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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