the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
