I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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