I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
