where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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