I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's shark week go big or go home
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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