peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
