I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
