So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just gift wrapped bread.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
