I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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