You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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