I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
