Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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