Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
