the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
