i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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