It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
