First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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